Today, I made vanilla custard ice cream. I made it a while ago, and felt in the mood to make it again, and so I did. And it actually ended up turning out pretty good! I like it a lot, but I did make a lot… and also, this picture doesn’t look too good, it’s melting a bit, but it’s okay, it was still awesome. Would do again. I want to have the motivation to cook more extravagant things, ice cream is easy but I want to cook meat and stuff. Someday I will learn… eventually.


Recently, I’ve been doing alright, not a lot has been going on in my life at the moment. I’ve just been working on staying on top of things at school and making sure my grades don’t fall. Also been trying to motivate myself to work on more personal goals, such as writing. Yes, I am still writing, I know it’s been a while since I updated the page, but I am still working on it. The issue is that I only really work at night, so I write in small chunks, but I will upload more, eventually. I don’t want to rush anything, and I don’t want to push myself to work when I can’t. I do, however, want to train myself to try to work during the day on stuff like that more, since I always get caught up doing other things and procrastinating.

Speaking of which, I’m finding that the Post-It notes do really help with completing things. I have them right under my monitor and in my line of vision constantly, and I try to be actively thinking about it, so I think it’s having a good effect on me. It also makes me look like I do way more productive things than I actually do in my day to day activities, haha.


Last night, I was sitting in my bed trying to go to sleep, and I thought about trying to feel myself going to sleep, and my mind drifted to thinking if that same feeling would apply to death. I mean, we don’t really know how it feels to go to sleep, and we ourselves can’t pinpoint that exact moment, and I imagine it’s the same thing when we die too. We won’t feel ourselves passing, it will be like going to sleep. It made me extremely terrified and unsettled in that brief moment. I have thoughts like that a lot, wondering about death and what it will be like. But I try to remember a few things:

  1. I am 18 years old, so dying by natural causes is out of the question. It doesn’t mean I can’t die anytime soon, but hey, if I get shot in the head or something, I imagine it would be a lot more instantaneous, and the chances of that happening are… well, I don’t know, no one does, but not enough to worry me. Car crashes though… I’m always paranoid about that. Dying painfully… nnn……

  2. I have my whole life ahead of me. I think about death, but if things go well, in reality, I will die several decades from now, and right now, only about 2 decades have passed. And when I look back, it feels short, but in reality, it will be a lot slower than I think it is.

  3. Everyone will meet the same fate. We will all die. All the people I know and love will die inevitably. And whether I do or do not believe in an afterlife or a higher being is something I honestly debate to myself all the time, but the best way to think about it is that I will not be alone when I die.

Overall, yeah, depressing stuff, but I really am doing alright. I just try to push those kind of thoughts out of my mind because I know all they will do is cripple me and prevent me from living the life I want to live. In a way, ignorance truly is bliss.